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Burgers? Hell Yeah!!

Hey y'all looking through the sacred THP scrolls it is apparent that most awesome of foods is sorely neglected. That's right chidren's, I'm talkin' about BURGERS!! Sliders. Pub burgers. Fast food style burgers. Gastro burgers. Cheffy burgers. CHEESEBURGERS!!! Single and double meat. Triple meat. Extreme burgers. Man vs. Food burgers....the list is endless but y'all get the idea.

We won't go into the endless arguments of who created the first hamburger (Fletcher Davis) or what meat qualifies as a burger. Nonetheless....here are the rules for posting in this soon to be awesome thread:

1. Any meat goes. Beef, chicken, pork, lamb, rat, fish. Whatever, hunt it down and kill it with a knife. Its all good and I've included the options other than the traditional beef so all the kids can play in the pool. If its ground and round, its all good.

2. The damn 'thang has to be between 2 slices of bread or bun. White bread. Brioche. Sourdough. English muffin. Whole wheat. Its got to be bready. No wrap crap or wild pizza dough like chingaderra's.

3. Any cooking method goes. Grilled. Broiled. Griddled. Steamed. Deep fried. Zippo lighter.

4. Because I love to ridicule to no end tree hugging granola wimps and hippy's.....
Veggie burgers are all good. Just be prepared for the woe and gnashing of teeth and smack talk that will soon come if you post it. It will be all in fun and all good.

5. You suck at cooking? The only thing that would suck more is if you posted pics of your restaurant burger. For the sake of keeping the comedy rolling...
Any burger you didn't cook or you bought is allowed and is all good. Warning: while allowed, posting pics of BK burgers or their ilk with a splash of tabasco will bring upon you the most ridicule and insults. Even more than a veggie burger!

6. Chile's and/or hotsauce is mandatory on the burger. ON the burger, no crap on the side.

7. Pics are mandatory. No posting about a burger you made or ate without pics. You will suffer extreme ridicule and experience much loathing. Just don't do it.

8. Include a list of condiments and toppings. Mayo. Mustard. Onions. Cheese. Extract of male baboon spermatazoa. Whatever. Post it.

There it is y'all. Can you get down brown with it? Allrighty then...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Here's mine. Sliders. 80/20 ground chuck from Matador Meat Market, Frisco, Tx. Cooked over fine diced yellow onions in cast iron using the smash technique. Toasted Pepperidge Farm slider buns with mustard, the onions, dill pickle and jalapeno pickle slices. Kraft brand American Plastic Cheese.

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Adult beverages are encouraged in the pics but not mandatory. Dig that awesome cast iron crust sear!

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So bring on your burgers. And that means those damn Aussie's and their stinkin' beet root too!!
 
Click to expand...
Planning to make some hummus for supper.
 
I know, WTF??? right?
 
But right now I got a serious jones and I can't be satisfied.
 
George knows...
This skirt wearin' clown doesn't know jack about what a good burger is....
Which burger would you rather have?
 
texas blues said:
This skirt wearin' clown doesn't know jack about what a good burger is....
Click to expand...
 
Told you not to squish it! :D
 

 
75% fresh ground beef & 25% fresh ground bacon, both from my local butcher.  With a little Moruga Scorpion puree for some spice.  This patty and the 3 other I cooked up each weighed in 1/2lb.  
 

 
BBQ'ed some bacon while the grill was getting started and I was doing some drinking.
 

 
Pan fried some jalepenos and onion.
 

 
Put it all together with a slice of American cheese, some Mrs. Renfro's Ghosh Pepper Queso  and LDHS Black Label on local bakery buns.
 
Any burger makes my mouth water gets props!
 
Damn guud luukin' burger Count.
 
Texture is nice and loose the way a hand formed patty should be, not over handled and compressed.
 
Queso on anything brings a smile to me.
 
Hey y'all, I couldna' stand it any longer and I've been dying to eat a real honest to GOD burger. And I don't mean no salmon or trout or crabcake chingaderra. I mean BEEF! As in a big fat honkin'hunk of BEEF CHUCK, freshly ground and smashed right into the pan!
 
If you haven't checked out the earlier video I posted of George Motz a few posts ago, you need to really go and watch it to really see and understand what I'm talkin' 'bout.
 
I did up sliders tonight in the classic slider manner. I'm talkin' thin sliced onions pressed into a flattened ball of ground chuck in the skillet. Sliders are more technique than size therefore if it isn't done this way then its NOT A SLIDER! Its just another small burger but a slider it is not.
 
I bought this baby yesterday and brought it out tonight. That's a 6" french knife for size perspective. About 4 pounds.
 

 
Cut into about 1/2" or less there about chunks ready for the grinder. I only used about 1/3 of the roast and ratholed the rest for later.
 

 
You want to grind it twice to make sure the fat is thoroughly incorporated.
 

 
The final grind should yield a look like this and very close to an 80/20 meat to fat ratio. Note: Less fat = less flavor.
 

 
After the grind you don't want to really touch the meat. I used a small ice cream scoop to loosely grab some of the meat, and then dropped it into a medium heat cast iron pan and then seasoned the ball of meat with kosher salt and topped it with some thin sliced onions and jalapeno's I had prepped earlier. 
 

 
After only about ten seconds, I smashed that down with a stiff metal spatula. Note: this goes quickly now and you only need about 45 seconds and then flip it.
 
See the brown spots on the meat? That's NOT caramelization. It's called the maillard reaction. Wiki that sheeit!
 

 
Before you drop the meat in the pan, on another burner, lightly brown some soft squishy slider buns. These are Pepperidge Farm. Take note the lack of cheese or other toppings and condiments. More on that shortly.
 

 
Because they cook quickly, as they are so thin, you won't see much color. Rest assured though that there's plenty of juice all up in there.
 

 
You want this. 
 
Trust.
 

 
As per George Motz, I followed his advice and went with no condiments and toppings. Just meat, bread, salt, onions and jalapeno's. And lemme' 'splain y'all what I think of it.
 
IT WAS THE BEST DAMN BURGER I EVER ATE.
 
It needed nothing. It was absolute perfection and the fresh beefy flavor was glorious.
 
Maybe subconsciously because I went through all the trouble to do it this way I had preprogrammed my mind to think the outcome would be no less awesome than it was. Then again, maybe not. I will say this....
 
I dare any of y'all to try this and take the pepsi challenge and see for your own damn bad 'sef's. 
 
For me it was hella' fun and eating it was pure sex on a plate.
 
I would call it CHINGON but that would be an insult.
 
True story.
 
I'm suprised to see bite marks.  I would have been shoving those down my burger hole so fast I would have inhaled my hand.  But....my pref. would still be some cheese on there.  But nuttin more than that.  Cept bacon.  And maybe some....Nah just joking.  Just the beef, onion, chilli and a thin slice of cheese please.
 
Since you won't say it I will :D  Super wombat chingaderra chingon money, hot blue and righteous, lawd have mercy, step back and kiss yo'self 2 times TB!
 
Looking Good TB!!!!
 
I just started eating a new health kick as of today (properly this time), and you go and do this,
 
you cruel, cruel bastige....... :P
 
Booma said:
Looking Good TB!!!!
 
I just started eating a new health kick as of today (properly this time), and you go and do this,
 
you cruel, cruel bastige....... :P
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All apology's Boom.
 
I'm discovering that the easiest way to maintain a certain lifestyle or diet is to cheat every now and then.
 
Man can not live on veggies alone.
 
Hippies maybe, but not real men.
 
LUCKYDOG said:
Shamwow = pimp slap deliciousnesses
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I reckon Shamwow to be a good rating system too.
 
JHP's burger would likely be at least a 3 Shamwow out of 5.
 
5 being the oozy goozyest which would be like chili on a bun.
 
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