What does one do?

[Novacastrian]

What does one do to take ones mind off the one you want to strangle? ie, the missus.

Any suggestions?

[Omri]

I usually play Spider Solitaire, like 20 times before I'm calm again. :lol:
That or I listen to Pantera - This Love and scream the #$%&^@... :lol:
Fixing things around the house might help ya, too. :P

[Novacastrian]

Thanks Omri, since i wrote that i have been around the garden ten times, damn woman can be torture sometimes (no offence to the beautiful women here:)

[chilliman64]

get a new woman

[Novacastrian]

get a new woman

Hmmmm, i am considering that for my 30th birthday... Fak i hope she don't read this:hell:

[Omri]

Hmmmm, i am considering that for my 30th birthday... Fak i hope she don't read this:hell:
I did that once... didn't go too well. :oops:

[Novacastrian]

I did that once... didn't go too well. :oops:

P.M. Required, now!

[rainbowberry]

Well the last time I got really mad a few weeks ago I slammed the door, you know just for effect and accidently ended up shutting my middle finger in it so I forgot all about my madness. Maybe try that. What's she winding you up about? Can you say?

[Pepperfreak]

I always try to give me some space and time to cool down. Working up a good sweat, either exercising or doing yard work, always works too.


RP...I don't know about Europe, but here in the US that would have been hilarious if you had to bandage you're middle finger. Sorry to hear that you hurt yourself.

[rainbowberry]

I broke my middle fingernail :( Now the rest of my nails look stupid.

[Pepperfreak]

I broke my middle fingernail :( Now the rest of my nails look stupid.

Oh RB...I thought you were a 'glass half full' type of gal. I would think that only that 1 nail would look off.

[rainbowberry]

Oh RB...I thought you were a 'glass half full' type of gal. I would think that only that 1 nail would look off.

:lol: yeah I am, the glass is always half full, only one nail looks odd and I could always have sticky taped it back on ;)

[Novacastrian]

Hey RB, if i could say what she was winding me up about i would. It justs seems that she gets in some horrible moods and then comes good, right now she in fantastic. Maybe Bi-polar? I don't know we have two great boys and i want things to work.
I also want her to be happy:)

[imaguitargod]

Could be bi-polar, could be drugs.

I usually just avoide the person. Life's two short to be dealing with annoying people.

[rainbowberry]

Hey RB, if i could say what she was winding me up about i would. It justs seems that she gets in some horrible moods and then comes good, right now she in fantastic. Maybe Bi-polar? I don't know we have two great boys and i want things to work.
I also want her to be happy:)


It could be hormonal too. I assume you've spoken to her when everything's OK and calm and just listened? I know it might sound silly but sometimes women just want to sit down and talk (yeah I know it's awkward and boring). You need to get to the core of the problem either way. Maybe your partner/wife is depressed and needs a little outside help, a GP's visit might help to point to the best way, it might be a something thay can diagnose or something they can recommended like counselling, even for the both of you. You sound like you really care and a lovely bloke that would make it work for your two boys.

[DickT]

Hey Nova, I've never been married so I really can't be much help, I think this link may be a little over the top, however when you do get angry, stay clear of the tool shed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVMoVQj2r4w

[moyboy]

Nova, when was the last time you all went on a holiday???

Doesn't have to be expensive!!

The swansea carivan park is pretty cheap and is a good weekend away on a budget...Heaps of things to do for the kids...

Anyway, sometimes something as simple as a weekend away just up the road is all that is needed to help unwind...

[AlabamaJack]

If her behavior is cyclical, it is hormones...and don't forget it may be you too...

I have been married for 9 years now...anniversary was this past Thursday...and if she gets in one of her moods (which is rare anymore since the change came and went)...I just find a project to plan or work on...

one piece of advice I will pass on is this from an old gospel song...

Angry words, oh let them never
from the tongue unbridled slip,
may the hearts best impulse ever
check them err the soil the lip

[DevilDuck]

Congrats AJ! My 10th was on Friday.

[Novacastrian]

If her behavior is cyclical, it is hormones...and don't forget it may be you too...

I have been married for 9 years now...anniversary was this past Thursday...and if she gets in one of her moods (which is rare anymore since the change came and went)...I just find a project to plan or work on...

one piece of advice I will pass on is this from an old gospel song...

Angry words, oh let them never
from the tongue unbridled slip,
may the hearts best impulse ever
check them err the soil the lip

Thanks for all the comments people, it's great to recieve advice from a dis-connected source. I will remember that saying too AJ, just yesterday i commented to her that somtimes i would just love to shoot her, saying shit like that can't help!

Iggy, definantly no drugs. She used to smoke pot but gave that away 5 years ago, doesn't even drink (maybe thats the prob!)

Moyboy, we just had a family holiday at Diamond Head, had a great time, was there for week so we should both be de-stressed.

RB, counselling may be an idea, i will see about that.

Again thaks for all the help guys, it helps keep my spirits up:)

[Sickmont]

Drink. heavily.

[rainbowberry]

I should have added that I am single, so think carefully if you want to act on my advice.

[LUCKYDOG]

I plant and trade pepper seeds -- Isnt that why we are here ? or did I lose my group again ?

[Novacastrian]

Drink. heavily.


Err, i do...:lol:

[GrumpyBear]

is she on the pill? the pill makes women extra crazy.

[Sickmont]

is she on the pill? the pill makes women extra crazy.

I'll vouch for that. My ex was on them for years because of cysts, and man oh man did she go ape-shit quite often.

[Novacastrian]

is she on the pill? the pill makes women extra crazy.

Hey Grumpy, you really think that the pill could be a contributing factor? If so i can say that she has been on the pill for as long as we have been together, apart from the times we have wanted to concieve (we have been together for 10 years). How would i approach her about this subject without telling her i have already discussed it with other people?
Are there any other side effects of the pill that you or someone else knows of?

[Sickmont]

Hey Grumpy, you really think that the pill could be a contributing factor? If so i can say that she has been on the pill for as long as we have been together, apart from the times we have wanted to concieve (we have been together for 10 years). How would i approach her about this subject without telling her i have already discussed it with other people?
Are there any other side effects of the pill that you or someone else knows of?

Well, it certainly didnt help that my ex-wife was manic depressive at the time(shes on meds now that help her out greatly), but the pill exacerbated the situation at times dramatically.

[GrumpyBear]

Hey Grumpy, you really think that the pill could be a contributing factor? If so i can say that she has been on the pill for as long as we have been together, apart from the times we have wanted to concieve (we have been together for 10 years). How would i approach her about this subject without telling her i have already discussed it with other people?
Are there any other side effects of the pill that you or someone else knows of?

most of the side effects are things women want, like clear skin, lighter periods, lower risk of some cancers, although on the flip side it really kills your sex drive (which is significant cuz there's really a direct link between how much crazy a guy's willing to put up with and how much sex he's getting) there's a risk of blood clots (although very low, so low i've never actually known anyone who'd had one) and it raises your blood pressure a bit...and of course it makes you crazy...
my suggestion? lie like a bastard. say you saw some health report on tv talking about non hormonal methods being better. some IUDs are more effective than sterilization... tread lightly, it's gonna be hard to pull off 'man spontaneously interested in birth control methods'...when i was birth control crazy i know i would've chewed the head off any man telling me i was birth control crazy...

[Novacastrian]

Thanks Grumpy, i will practice lieing like a bastard! :)

[chilliman64]

I've been through a bad marriage where my wife and I fought every day for five years. we had counselling, didn't work. some people just get on each others nerves, that's life. if it's really at the stage where you're openly talking about strangling or shooting your missus I'd say you need to get out of there as this sort of talk is far from healthy and is not something to even joke about. in fact I think it's illegal to threaten to shoot someone in NSW, I hope your boys didn't hear that.

however, only you two know if the relationship is worth continuing. maybe it's time to sit down and have a calm, blameless, non-aggro discussion about what's going on. my first wife hated counselling because, strangely, the counsellor said that her expectations were somewhat unrealistic so she got the sh1ts and didn't want to go anymore. in the end, through sheer frustration I called it all off and we went our separate ways.I've since remarried. the beautiful chilliwoman is the best and I've never been happier in my 40+ years on this planet.

I have learned that sometimes you don't realise how bad a relationship can get and how much you are willing to put up with. think of it like this - you have a pet dog who you ignore all day and spend five minutes with it patting and rubbing it's stomach when you get home from work. that dog lives for those precious five minutes per day and is willing to put up with being miserable and lonely for the other 23h 55m. a bad marriage is like that. the brief moments of happiness are far outweighed by the endless boredom, arguing and hatred and do not in anyway compensate for the crappy times. by posting your personal problems online you have shown that you are in a desperate situation, seek professional advice. everyone here will show true concern but we are a bunch of chile-munching drunks/stoners armchair experts with no real ability to help you.

you owe it to yourselves to put some real thought into what you want out of your marriage and whether you are staying together out of complacency or whether you have a real future together. you don't realise how bad a relationship is until you're away from it and then finally get into a truly good one. some things can't be fixed. I know one thing for sure - being angry and miserable is no way to live your life - been there, done that - it sucks! fix it or move on my friend, you only have two choices.

anyway, that's enough of my Dr Phil impersonation

[Novacastrian]

Hey chilliman, to start i will just clear up a little thing, not that it makes much difference. I didn't threaten to shoot her, my words were "god i would love to shoot you sometimes", i know, i know, they kinda mean the same thing.
We are not married but that means little in this day and age also, the government treats us as though we are married so we may as well be, just not on paper.
My biggest concern if we part ways is that some other guy will inevitably end up getting with the other half and have a say in how my two boys are raised, that truly scares the crap out of me. Am i selfish to think this way? They say that through sacrifice (no not the missus) that one can find happiness and i am willing to sacrifice a little bit of myself towards the goal of making a happy and healthy home for our boys, if that means i am miserable at times i can live with that, i'll just drink more!

Hindsight is a luxury that no one has, if i could turn back the clock 12 years things would be different, alas i cannot and have to try and make the best of what i have made for myself (you make your bed, you lay in it).
If it ever comes down to us going our seperate way i can tell you with the upmost surety that i will not be the one walking out the front door, that will be up to her, she has done it in the past so there is probably a chance that she could do it again, although she did find out how hard it is to be a single Mum, she has vestest interest too you see, it's a two way street.
I suppose if i was bought up in a different manner (not having the great loving parents that i do, people that openly showed affection to each other, so their kids could see) i would think differently and most probably choose a different path in regards to our relationship.

I would have hated having my parents seperate as a child, it would have been devastating. I will not do that to my boys, i am staying right where i am and will try my darndest to make this work.

[chilliman64]

no worries Nova, I'm just trying to be an internet know-all.

I'm from a broken home so I know too well how the kids feel afterwards.

I hope you can sort it out.